Since year 2009 when Gunung Tahan trip been announced, I dare to dream about it that I can stand on Tahan one day. During the same year, the goal to complete G7 had been sets too! I am happy and I am glad that I am here in ODA. I participate in each trip when I am allowed to do so… to walk nearer to Tahan.
But at last I am not qualified as I’ve been told that I am not ready for Gunung Tahan yet. I am actually sad with it. I want to go, but I cannot go! I had attends all the trips I can go, I had done so many thing but I cannot go. I starts silent myself, just silently watch ODAs prepare for the trip. I don’t know what I can do for them although I want to contribute something, I put myself outside from the trip, I think I am a outsider. I watch drama everyday until late nights, I run out from the situation, I just run away! I didn’t ask why I am not qualify, I just can’t accept, I don’t want to know the truth, I scare I cannot afford to know the truth. But at the end, Bee Suan and I still appear on the night they depart to Gunung Tahan, as we know, although we cannot go, but we still wish them a good and safe trip. We know its Gunung Tahan, don’t play play…
Very soon, I appreciate and glad with the decision. I know I am not ready myself for Gunung Tahan. The first day ODA depart to Gunung Tahan, I knew it! I am here not with ODA, no any news from them, but I just suddenly knew it. During that 8 days, everyday I read the trip schedule and meal plan, thinking where are them, today suppose to had what breakfast, today have to walk how many km, today have river crossing or not, what are they doing now, what’s the view they are enjoying now, is it everybody still in good condition…… At the same time, I think back myself, why am I sitting here reading all this but not there with them? No matter from the physical readiness, mentality readiness, my skills, my react to sudden situation, my decision making, what to do at what situation, the 默契with teammate, I am not ready at all!!! This is all that I can see myself already at that moment. This little thing, I still can see by myself, but sure there are more reasons behind this which I didn’t know about it. I not dare to ask about it. At that moment, I feel very appreciate that advisor and seniors had done a great decision and also feel very amazing that ODA advisor and seniors are really know about me but I didn’t really know about it.
During that period, I am pretty sure I feel lucky that I meet Lao Shi, meet ODA, I have a great advisor and seniors who take good care of us and guide us in the proper and good way no matter in our life or in mountain. But also since then, Gunung Tahan was put aside…
The dream to stand on Gunung Tahan is due to I believe, Gunung Tahan can see a real someone, deep into it. Along the year, I can’t see a real me in this real world. I hide myself very good in reality. I wish I can see my deep inside me during the Tahan trip. I believe Gunung Tahan can bring changes to someone, either to extremely bad or extremely good. After all this while, I heard the story about it, and I saw the changes myself during year 2009 Gunung Tahan trip. I wish there is a changes on me, either good or bad, but something!
Until last year, the topic of Gunung Tahan has been rise again. The Tahan dream been find out somewhere inside my hearts. But still not very sure whether can ready myself or not. Along the training trips, many things happen… Each trip every ODA do their own homework before trip and perform their best during each trip. Everyone finds out the weak places, learn from mistake, learn new knowledge, new skills, practicing all the skills become to more skillful. We ask each other, we help each other, we learn from each other…. Every one prepare themselves for the trips, me too. I start training at Jugra, cycling around nearby my house, jogging, do sit up. I start training myself, learn and practise all the skills, during pre-Tahan training, I do self talk to myself, talks a lot, remind myself about Tahan, think of what situation will we face during Tahan, what shall I do at this moment, at that moment. But at last, will I overcome all the difficult along the way? I doubt. I just do what I can do no matter at last I can go to Gunung Tahan or not. At least, I do something compare to year 2009.
And finally Gunung Tahan dates had been sets! This year, we are going in through Merapoh route. Every one keep saying Merapoh is the easy way… I agree with the statement, compare to 8 days trail of Kuala Tahan, 4 days trail of Merapoh definitely easier than Kuala Tahan. But they forget something, this is Gunung Tahan! I believe, Gunung Tahan will never be an easy trip with the good enough preparation. Everything is just like normal for me prior trips until the moment I stand in Lao Shi house doing final checking. I start asking myself that is it I am dreaming? I am nervous. I am worried with myself.
With everyone’s blessing, we had a good weather along the trips except some rain pour out during us are having a good night sleep for the first few days….. Everyday, we had a great start, reaching each checkpoint on time and most of the time reach earlier than predict. We had a good take 5 session, having snacks and luxury juice. Although we have to stay 5 days in this forest, but our food is not limited to canned food only…. Every meal, we have different delicious meal. Everyone is enjoying the loads which provide us a good and full meal. Although every one is tired, but I can see every one still put their smiles on the face, giving out positive energy to each other!
On Day 3 during the last hour to Camp Botak, the journey of scenery viewing starts, at the same time, we exposed to the red hot sun too... This is the craziest moment. Walking on the rocks under the sun, we can see the mountain range is just beside us. I couldn’t stop myself for not looking at it. It is just so nice... I hope I can stay longer to enjoy the view, but the weather force me to continue walking… During this time, when I look at front and turns behind, I saw every teammate is moving their legs too… I don’t know why, I have feel with the scene where I saw we all walking in a line, although with the distance… But I like this scene. Something like everybody is carrying their own life walking towards the goal, why are you standing there?During day 5, we have to descend from Camp Botak to Camp Kor, all the way down. With the increase of walking time, I have many free spaces in my brain which makes me easily think this and that and then make me EL! I keep remind myself to avoid self talk session as I know I will EL during that moment. I sing to myself avoid of thinking bitch, I think of our advisor, seniors who are there still behind, with the knee and loads. I think of one sentence which advisor said before. I told myself I have to continue… and with the smiling face, as ODA said before, face expression is important! And we are going back soon, I told myself to see all I can see, to hear all I can hear before I go out from this rainforest … The trees, the sky, the river, the wind, the sun, the mountain, the birds and insects sounds…. And I continue walking.
Chok Ping and Sim Mei who are the only non-ODA in this trip had brought us lots of fun too. Thanks to Chok Ping for the pro-camera, pro-porter, pro-prince scout, pro-kekwa, cabbage…. You had brought us lots of good memory and lots of fun topic along the trip! Good to have you together in this trip. As for Sim Mei who have slim down herself, everyday will do things automatically. Sim Mei, you are fast, you know!!! I am so tired chasing you behind. Thanks for taking care of me along the trip, wait for me, help me….
With the return of ODA seniors Miing Rueng, Fu Yaw and Pek Hiong, plus Pang and Lao Shi, our trips become more laughable and more meaningful. They are so called to be seniors had the reasons, but not only simply they are senior, but also with their attitude, their experience, their knowledge, their skills, their thinking, their response to each situation, their capable, their connection with each other…. had brought them to be our seniors. And I am very thankful and feel great that although they have been to Tahan trip before, samo not only once, but they all still spent their times during the busy schedule, going to Tahan. Thanks for giving me a chance to hike with you all and bring me to Tahan. Thanks for the return and I love the feels when ODA is together in mountain.
Thanks to Lao Shi for the all while preparation. From pre-Tahan training trip to Tahan trip planning to all the guidance and supports before and after trips. Although you are not feeling well before trips and have a tight schedule of working task, but still done a perfect planning which let us have a more than enough good and safe trip schedule and meal plan, reminds us for the preparation tasks, to ensure all of us have a safe and nice trip! All these years, many things and knowledge, advices been given out from you, but nothing much I can do for you. Very thank you for bringing us to Gunung Tahan again although been there for many times, thank you for not hesitate to share us the beauty of hiking, thank you for let me see the Tahan, than you for the advise all these years…. Thanks for everything!!
On Day 5 when I reach peak, I take off my jackets and my long pants, I let myself to feel the cold wind on the Tahan peak. I want my body part to memorize this feel, to memorize the part I had walk through to reach here. I am lucky, I meet Lim family. I am lucky, I meet Lao Shi. I am lucky, I meet ODA. I am lucky, I have chance to go to so many mountains and now Gunung Tahan with all the teammates. I am lucky enough, to have all these things happen around me…. And I am lucky, to have the chance to view the beauty of this Mother Nature. I am a lucky person. Standing on the Gunung Tahan’s peak, we seem to be so small surrounded by the trees, mountains, sky and river. Although we are so small, but we still able to reach here using all the sources. Once you had set the goal there, whether you will reach or not, is just the matter of you want or not, how big is your wish to reach the goal. After all, I realise that the changes which I wants, is not come from Gunung Tahan itself, is not about you reach Gunung Tahan, then you change! I found out that all the changes I wants, is come and accumulate from the little thingy things from pre-Tahan Training trips, Tahan preparation, Tahan trips and after that.
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